Done
by bellward17jaspice
Summary: I want to hold on but I just can't anymore. Letter to my love. Read and Review.


Dear you,

I'm mad. I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. I'm mad for apologizing for things I didn't do. I'm mad for getting attached. I'm mad for thinking about you and loving you, but most of all I'm mad for not hating you when I should. Don't make a girl fall for you if you have no intention of catching her. I fell hard for you, and you know what really sucks? The fact that you're my best friend, and when you're hurt because of some other chick, I have to put all emotions aside and be your best friend. You tell me I'm so amazing, and I'm your favorite girl, but I know, I fucking know, that if we ever gave a relationship a shot between us, it would work out, and you wouldn't have to look anymore, and neither would I. I love how you say that liking me would be awkward because I'm your best friend, yet you can date a girl that is like my clone. My clone except one thing, she's not me. She will never care for you like I do.

Sometimes I sit alone and wonder if you ever stop and just think "Man, I miss her." The sad thing is I know you do, but it's never me you are thinking about. You don't give me another thought because I mean nothing to you.

Nothing works to rid the pain I feel. Talking doesn't work, the chocolate doesn't work, nothing replaces the whole in my heart you left. I have learned that love is like two people pulling a rubber band. If one lets it go, it hurts the one who held on. You let go a long time ago and I have just been pulling by myself. The rubber band finally snapped back and I'm feeling the pain ten times over.

You say you don't understand girls, so here it is. The truth is we hide because we want to be found. We walk away to see who will follow. We cry to see who will wipe away the tears, and we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them. I want you to follow, I want you to wipe my tears, and I want you to fix my broken heart, but I'm tired of waiting for you to do those things. I was told to find someone who'll never get tired of kissing me everyday, who'll hug me when I'm jealous, who'll understandingly keep silent when I'm not in the mood, who'll plan and imagine the future with me in it, but I'm afraid that someone doesn't exist.

I'm done fighting for "us" when there is no "us." I'm done torturing myself with the idea of you changing. Because, the truth is, you'll never change. And when you see me happy with a good guy, married and loving life, you'll realize that you gave up the only girl that cared for you. I tried. But now, I'm done. Now I'm ready to say those 3 words, those 8 letters that I couldn't before: Go To Hell.

I once believed that everything would work out. After all Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass, Belle fell in love with a hideous beast, Jasmine married a common thief, Ariel walked on land for love and life, and Snow White barely escaped a knife. It was all about blood, sweat, and tears, because love means facing your fears. But what good is facing your fears if the guy isn't willing to face his?

You have changed. I guess in the end people become the people they promised they would never be and do things they swore they would never do. I'm a lightweight, easy to fall, easy to break, with every move my whole world shakes. But that doesn't mean you have to be the quake that ruins me. It breaks my heart to look at you, to want to cuddle. Each time I see you, I remember the good times and now, everything's just gone. You don't get it, no one ever talked to me like I was worth something. I don't want to let go of you because you're the first guy to ever make me feel special, the first guy who would fight for me, and make me feel like I was special. I knew a different side of you. Where did that guy go? I know you changed but I can't seem to let that side of you go.

I have fallen and gotten up with my leg dripping in blood, I have been slapped in the face, I have eaten fried chicken an hour after getting my tonsils removed, I have fallen off a swing at the peak of it's heaight, I have gone off a bike ramp and landed with the handle bar jabbing into my stomach, I have fallen down the stairs, I have been cut with a knife, I have stubbed my tow. But, you know, all of these pains combined don't even come close to the pain of someone you love so dearly telling you that they hate you and never loved you. You caused me to feel pain I never even knew existed.

Having a broken heart is like having broken ribs. On the outside you look fine, but every breath hurts. Nothing hurts more than being betrayed by the single person you thought would never hurt you. It's coo though, I'm used to being hurt. It's hard when someone special hurts you. It's harder pretending that you just don't care. I don't wanna feel this way anymore. It's ruining everything for me. I'm not okay. Emotionally, I'm done. Mentally, I'm drained. Spiritually, I'm dead. Physically, I smile. Yes I'm tired. I'm tired of faking a smile. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of fighting for you. People cry, not because they're weka. It's because they've bee strong for too long. I can't be strong anymore. I hate acting like I don't really care when really it's tearing me up inside. I'm done. I can't do it anymore.

Goodbye,

Me.


End file.
